In all of my years I have never experienced such feelings of angst and uncertainty. I know that you know I am mourning the loss of my husband to Covid. That much I do know. What I don’t know is what my life will be like going forward. It is almost impossible to even think about it while we are in this Pandemic. We have always had a very active social life. It is almost at a standstill now. Fortunately I have family who are not too far away and I do have lots of friends. We are mostly having lunch and, as everyone is experiencing, that depends on the weather. Strange that everything depends on if the sun is out or at least that it is not raining. The addition of this weather dependency adds to my sadness. I know that Tom would like me to be out-and-about and I suppose that it would be easier for me if that was happening. Many people volunteer thoughts on how grieving should progress. They have no clue what this feels unless they have first hand experience. In addition, another dimension is added when your husband has been “stolen” from you. There is no escaping the horror of my own experience. TV shows are now coming back on for a new season and the hot topic is, of course, Covid. I have had to switch channels because it is too much to take. It was just hitting too close to my experience.

None of us know how long this state of living in limbo is going to go on. Every day there are new statistics to digest. You get to see what the rate of positivity is in your area and the rates for hospitalization. A vaccine is on the horizon and it is giving people hope. The elections are finally over and with that I am hoping that everyone becomes more civilized and returns to treating each other with respect. The line “we are all in this together” is right up there with “the new normal” for being incredibly annoying to hear over and over again. It is really sad when you are not “in this” with the person you want to be with and nothing will be “normal” for quite a long time.

There is nothing anyone can do right now. Let’s just hope for a mild winter so that we can get out for exercise and lunch! With any luck the restaurants around me will keep their tents up with the outdoor heaters so that we will be able to spend some time outside with our friends and family.

Take care and stay well.