Reading my journals since the day we met. Torture or Therapy?

Reading and looking at all my journals and photos from our extensive travels. Torture or Therapy?

Counting the number of times the pandemic is referenced. This still makes my knees go weak. Torture or Therapy?

Every morning telling Alexa to play songs we liked to listen to. Torture or Therapy?

Posting all kinds of memory posts or sharing thoughts on managing grief on my Facebook page. Tom used to say I was a serial poster!! Torture or Therapy?

I have deemed all of this to be Therapy rather than Torture. Making that statement alone feels therapeutic.

Today marks 4 years since Tom’s death.

I am still looking for a soft place to land. I am still working on learning to fear less. I am taking the time to meditate daily. I am making lots of travel plans. I am trying to envision going out on a limb because I do believe there is still sweet fruit out there.

In the meantime, I will dance in the kitchen each morning to whatever I tell Alexa to play. I will try my best to have my wonderful memories make me smile more often than bring tears to my eyes. I will continue to talk about Tom with our family and friends and the little humans because he is worth it. He isn’t a footnote in my story. He checked all the boxes for what you would want in your ideal partner. I consider myself very lucky to have found him and known this incredible love.

My artist friend, Karen, painted this and gifted it to me. Still I Rise. We were both widowed 4 years ago. We are helping each other through the grieving, and this is our plan. We will rise up and continue to make ourselves and our husbands proud of our accomplishments.

Life does go on with or without you. I think it is best to get in step, even if the steps are small. Eventually you reach the place you are supposed to be.